Naughty food

Kids say the funniest things. And no idea where they come from! Once upon a time my little 'nephew' was eating dinner at one of those buffet style places that has the kids trays with little separate compartments for food. He had peas, mac n' cheese, and corn on his tray. After finishing his mac he had mixed his vegetables into one compartment. He looked up and said "look, p-orn! Peas and corn! PORN!!!!" His dad was shocked and tried not to laugh. Then he looks down and points to an empty compartment and says, "look, NOTHING but PORN!!!!" He was so pleased with himself, he kept saying it louder and louder. Heh Heh.
The same child on the phone last night when asked how his trip with his grandparents went "ummmm, maybe you should ask my dad...." He didn't want to say anything negative. Cute.

1 is a jerk

I recently shared with a friend that as a child I assigned numbers and letters genders. I don't remember how it began, but every time I hear a letter or number I always have a voice in the back of my head that reminds me of the sex.
Who knows where this originated? Picture Page? Sesame Street? Caliope? Or my own child head inner workings. I used to build fortresses out of Legos, forts from boxes and blankets. I also thought Dan Rather was stupid and punched him on our t.v. screen when I was four. I'm sure there was a reason, but it's long since gone. I also though I could fly if I only figured out how. Makes sense; arms, wings, pretty close.
No ideas where all my ideas come from, but I do know that M & N are girls, R is a jerky guy, 2 is a butch girl, and 9

is a sneaky bastard.

Round Chip!!

This is more of a general theme-
Once upon a time I lived with this guy and I did the grocery shopping, the cooking, and well, lots of stuff. We got into this huge argument one night because I brought home these round black bean chips that I KNEW he preferred. I don't remember how the whole thing started, but there were harsh words back and forth and my thread of the 'conversation' was that I really knew what he liked, knew what he wanted, and knew him as a person. Now, obviously this is a one sided re-creation, but I don't remember what his point was. Probably something like he was too deep to really know. Eh.
Anyway, this argument peaked with "YOU DON'T KNOW ME" "WHAT? I SO KNOW YOU -ROUND CHIP!!" At which point we cracked up laughing. whenever I remember this fight I think of Amy Poehler in Baby Mama. Now every time someone says "you don't know me" OR even "you don't understand" in whatever context, I think two things- Baby Mama, and "ROUND CHIP!" Whichever, the attitude is also there - eyes wide, no backing down.... yep.

Old Broke Down

I swear, I wasn't driving.

Back in good ole AK, in the whirlwind of moving, selling house, camping on some land in Seldovia, getting a truck and trailer for our boat, trying to find a job and apartment in Portland- well, things were hectic. Somehow I was in charge of most of this, including finding us this nice rough old f250 to haul the damn boat around.
We embark on a trip from Anchorage to Homer, driving along, everything is fine, la la la, and outside of Soldotna around 1 am the truck dies. Now Josh is driving, mind you, so take with a grain of salt. He coasted over to the side of the road and was all frantic! What are we going to do?!?!? It won't start!!! What do we do?!?!?!? Dude, calm the f down. As I'm watching him try to start it, I'm trying to tell him to do it a certain way, since it's an old truck, and I think there might be a problem with the ignition switch. But, I am just the chick. Sigh. So I told him given that it was 1 am, we didn't have a lot of options, no tow place would be open, so we'd have to wait until the morning anyway.
Josh passed right out. I couldn't get warm-let's face it, summer in Alaska really isn't the warmest thing ever, and we hadn't brought jackets or anything. So I suffered for a while, but was too frustrated so I got out and started walking. We were only a few miles outside Soldotna, so I walked until I saw the mirage of Fred Meyer, then started back. Finally woke up my male counterpart, who had had a nice little sleep, while I was becoming increasingly tired and probably a little short on the patience side.
Called a tow, waited, waited, waited for this place to check out the truck and see what's up. We had coffee, breakfast, magazines, nothing helped- I was dead on my feet. Once the sun was bright, I said screw this, and walked outside to lay in the grass and nap. Yep. I have no compunction about sleeping in public. It was lovely. Plus I was away from the manic energy of 'what do we do??!?!?'
End result of waiting all day to see why the truck wouldn't start????
It started fine, no problems at all.

Follow up-
Weeks later, I am in Portland, I get a crazy call "Gehlen, I'm on the beach and the truck won't start!!! What do I do!??"
"Hit the steering column hard and then start it."

It started, I am magic.