f you 50/50!!

I am sooooo glad that I saw this movie alone. Whew.  What looked like a comedy to me- Seth Rogan! Hello!  Turned out to be a roller coaster.  Which, admittedly, I did enjoy.  I love Joseph Gordon-Levitt with a sweet fondness that is all for him. Sitting by myself in packed Laurelhurst theater, I laughed a lot, with opening scenes discussing the importance of blow jobs, and why they are JOBS,  As the movie wore on, there came a point that I couldn't stop the tears trickling, then turning into wiping away every few seconds.  Angelica Huston is fabulous as always, but this time as a middle aged mother, and taking the back seat.  It's cool, the music is fun, the apartments are desirable, and everything just works.  It makes sense, and while isn't the best of all time, it resonated within me, something I always appreciate in a film.  Pay attention- the moment JGL drives is perfect and realistic.

tears streamin down

So, I seem to have that crazy gene that makes me cry when onions are chopped nearby. Which is rather unfortunate for me since I like to cook. I don't know if there are any real remedies- I've heard all sorts of crazy things- chop with a candle nearby, put your head in the freezer, and the last one- soak the onion for ten minutes in cold water. Wowzas!!! Do these things work? Well the answer is- not on me. The other thing I have been told is "it's all in your head." Really? You think I want to take twenty minutes to chop a damn onion? I have to stop at least twice to wash my face and take a time out. Yep. I just cursed a friend today for the 'soak the onion for ten minutes' - I am still tear stained! I get teased about this pretty relentlessly. When one friend found out it was any onion-red, yellow, white, he said- "it's only supposed to be the white ones!!" Well thanks. I usually use red, but da-mn they make me cry pretty bad.

Am I just emotional? Is this just a way for me to let my tears out without looking like a sad sappy chick? Do I have no control over my body? Really? Is it like sneezing- it's just gonna happen?

Who knows. What I am going to warn you about- if anyone comes over for dinner I usually ask my guests to chop for me.

Masters of the Universe!

A few weeks back I had a cold, so I was lounging around, and decided to watch He-Man, and consequently She-Ra. I used to loooooooooove these cartoons as a kid. I would jump around with wrapping paper tubes as my sword and play He-Man with my best friend Mikey. Unfortunately he made me be She-Ra usually, and I wound up disgruntled.
So, here I am, laying on my couch, watching Adam walk around with Cringer, and I was astounded that I didn't remember how homo-erotic the show was. And really,how is possible that no one realized Adam was he man!!!??? He didn't even wear a mask or glasses! Come on people!!! At least Battlecat had a mask-helmet thing to cover his face. Sorry folks, but I think Skeletor is a whiny little douche.

Naughty food

Kids say the funniest things. And no idea where they come from! Once upon a time my little 'nephew' was eating dinner at one of those buffet style places that has the kids trays with little separate compartments for food. He had peas, mac n' cheese, and corn on his tray. After finishing his mac he had mixed his vegetables into one compartment. He looked up and said "look, p-orn! Peas and corn! PORN!!!!" His dad was shocked and tried not to laugh. Then he looks down and points to an empty compartment and says, "look, NOTHING but PORN!!!!" He was so pleased with himself, he kept saying it louder and louder. Heh Heh.
The same child on the phone last night when asked how his trip with his grandparents went "ummmm, maybe you should ask my dad...." He didn't want to say anything negative. Cute.

1 is a jerk

I recently shared with a friend that as a child I assigned numbers and letters genders. I don't remember how it began, but every time I hear a letter or number I always have a voice in the back of my head that reminds me of the sex.
Who knows where this originated? Picture Page? Sesame Street? Caliope? Or my own child head inner workings. I used to build fortresses out of Legos, forts from boxes and blankets. I also thought Dan Rather was stupid and punched him on our t.v. screen when I was four. I'm sure there was a reason, but it's long since gone. I also though I could fly if I only figured out how. Makes sense; arms, wings, pretty close.
No ideas where all my ideas come from, but I do know that M & N are girls, R is a jerky guy, 2 is a butch girl, and 9

is a sneaky bastard.

Round Chip!!

This is more of a general theme-
Once upon a time I lived with this guy and I did the grocery shopping, the cooking, and well, lots of stuff. We got into this huge argument one night because I brought home these round black bean chips that I KNEW he preferred. I don't remember how the whole thing started, but there were harsh words back and forth and my thread of the 'conversation' was that I really knew what he liked, knew what he wanted, and knew him as a person. Now, obviously this is a one sided re-creation, but I don't remember what his point was. Probably something like he was too deep to really know. Eh.
Anyway, this argument peaked with "YOU DON'T KNOW ME" "WHAT? I SO KNOW YOU -ROUND CHIP!!" At which point we cracked up laughing. whenever I remember this fight I think of Amy Poehler in Baby Mama. Now every time someone says "you don't know me" OR even "you don't understand" in whatever context, I think two things- Baby Mama, and "ROUND CHIP!" Whichever, the attitude is also there - eyes wide, no backing down.... yep.

Old Broke Down

I swear, I wasn't driving.

Back in good ole AK, in the whirlwind of moving, selling house, camping on some land in Seldovia, getting a truck and trailer for our boat, trying to find a job and apartment in Portland- well, things were hectic. Somehow I was in charge of most of this, including finding us this nice rough old f250 to haul the damn boat around.
We embark on a trip from Anchorage to Homer, driving along, everything is fine, la la la, and outside of Soldotna around 1 am the truck dies. Now Josh is driving, mind you, so take with a grain of salt. He coasted over to the side of the road and was all frantic! What are we going to do?!?!? It won't start!!! What do we do?!?!?!? Dude, calm the f down. As I'm watching him try to start it, I'm trying to tell him to do it a certain way, since it's an old truck, and I think there might be a problem with the ignition switch. But, I am just the chick. Sigh. So I told him given that it was 1 am, we didn't have a lot of options, no tow place would be open, so we'd have to wait until the morning anyway.
Josh passed right out. I couldn't get warm-let's face it, summer in Alaska really isn't the warmest thing ever, and we hadn't brought jackets or anything. So I suffered for a while, but was too frustrated so I got out and started walking. We were only a few miles outside Soldotna, so I walked until I saw the mirage of Fred Meyer, then started back. Finally woke up my male counterpart, who had had a nice little sleep, while I was becoming increasingly tired and probably a little short on the patience side.
Called a tow, waited, waited, waited for this place to check out the truck and see what's up. We had coffee, breakfast, magazines, nothing helped- I was dead on my feet. Once the sun was bright, I said screw this, and walked outside to lay in the grass and nap. Yep. I have no compunction about sleeping in public. It was lovely. Plus I was away from the manic energy of 'what do we do??!?!?'
End result of waiting all day to see why the truck wouldn't start????
It started fine, no problems at all.

Follow up-
Weeks later, I am in Portland, I get a crazy call "Gehlen, I'm on the beach and the truck won't start!!! What do I do!??"
"Hit the steering column hard and then start it."

It started, I am magic.

I love Jughead

I was walking around the other day and saw someone reading an Archie comic. Talk about take me back! I will nerd out here and own up to it. I was always a reader as a kid. Alas, comics did work their way in there too. But not the cool kid comics of today like X-men or Spiderman, but yes, Archie. I loved me some Betty, and my favorite, ready for it? Jughead.
Yep. Maybe you all knew this already. I loooooooved Jughead. So when I saw this comic I thought of Jughead immediately, and then wondered why he was my favorite. Let's just have a chat about him. Jughead is the guy best friend, he loves his sleep, and let's face it-he does his own damn thing. He doesn't give a bleep what people think about him. He's not off chasing girls like his pal Archie just because he's a teenage boy. He's wearing that dorky crown every day, and just does his thing. A perfect analogy from me as a kid, to me now. I never do something because other people are, I always live my own way, and true to form, I am always a little unusual. Suck it. I love Jughead.

Grrrrl, personal space!

Last night I met up with a friend who is in town for a few days due to work training. There were six of us altogether, and the odd one out was this girl my friend invited from his training class. Which is very nice of him, but........... This chick would not shut up.
She yelled her conversation in your face.
She would not stop touching me.
Let's have a little chat about people:
I am very touchy and close with people I know and like. I enjoy being close with people. Hugs, hand holds, whatever. And this also can be for people whom I've just met- if I like you right away, you can just feel the comfort level. And gay men. Sorry straights- gay men get a pass. Plus they also get a free feel of booty or boob. It just is. I cannot explain this to you- you get it or you don't- gay men can touch and it's fun. Not creepy, not sexy, just fun.
But if I don't like you-hello! Don't touch! Get out of my space!
This chick was one of those people who just don't take hints very well. And I did feel bad for her- she's out with people she doesn't know, in a strange city. But for love of Pete! When I first sat down at dinner one of the other people started a conversation with me, and she interrupted in a very loud way. Took me by surprise. As the evening progressed, everyone kept edging away from her, she kept grabbing my arm and hitting me and jumping in my space, and I kept turning my body away (hello), looking away, talking to other people.....
We go dancing, and everyone is having a good time- but any time a few of us would dance close, she would squeal (not kidding) and run over to us, and start grinding and rubbing her ass on whoever was on the outside. I could not keep a straight face whenever she was on me. I would stop dancing, laugh, put my hands up like 'stop', and I'm sure my face said "what the hell do I do?"
I don't even know how to end this- I could go on forever about being uncomfortable! I did feel bad for her. But the few times I caught D's eye, whew we busted up laughing.

Dance your cares away

Down in Fraggle Rock!!

I have lots of cartoons that were favorites as a kid, and I have to say, the Fraggles, while not cartoons, were top on my list for shows. The world they created is amazing- the diggers, the trolls! Living underground! Cool!
He-man was another huge fave. But really, who wouldn't like Adam fighting crime with his battle cat? And Orco? Heck yeah! Consequently when She-ra started I was in for that one too. My best friend Mikey and I used to play He-man and She-ra with wrapping paper tubes as swords. Also we used to look for the smurfs under the mushrooms in our yards. He swore they lived with him and wouldn't go near my yard. That he had the right kind of mushrooms. Hmmm, our parents were, how shall we say, sober-challenged?
I did go thru a more girl phase- care bears, rainbow brite, jem. The nicey nice ones. Mikey and I did regularly watch G.I. Joe and transformers in the mornings. So what if I was raised by animated creatures? I have a soundtrack in my life with lines like 'more than meets the eye...'
Was I excited by the idea of the upcoming Smurf movie? Not nearly as excited as I was when I was flipping channels and saw fraggle rock listed! Out loud: "oh my god. Oh My God! OH MY GOD!"

town and country

Growing up in Alaska you kind of take camping for granted. Everyone goes camping! Summer? Camping! Growing up poor-ish it was always regular man camping- to me anyway. Which just means I've never been camping in a motor home, and a bit snooty about it to tell the truth. Motor home? That's not camping!
I love me a good campfire. Ahhhhhh that is the best. The smell! The crackle noises. Mmmmmm. Just the thought brings back the comfort and excitement, which I know sounds like an odd combination. I always felt comfort from the heat of the fire and the company of my friends. The excitement was the notion that it is summer, nothing can stop me! Summer in Alaska is funny. You spend all year waiting for it because it's sooooo special and beautiful, and it's light ALL THE TIME, so you have the illusion that it will last forever.
I have a dear sweet cousin who grew up in city life on the east coast. As kids we were very city mouse and country mouse. Very. I was a kid. Kids get dirty. I have scars all over. Summer is smelling like mosquito repellant and campfire smoke. She spent summers inside reading and doing activities her mother had set aside for her. Despite differences, we adore each other. So, color me surprised when my polished city cousin says to me "oh, I might go camping with some friends next weekend." I burst out laughing. "Have you ever been camping in your life?" "No!" Oh, this was good. I can't even picture it. She went on to explain. "Well it doesn't sound so bad the way they do it. They bring curling irons and hair dryers. I could do that."
Huh?

coffee

I love coffee. Je taime coffee. mmmmmm. French press, cappuccino, mocha, latte, breve (hello!), iced, hot, nonfat, and lordy NEVER decaf. When I make coffee at home I smile every damn time I pour it into my favorite mug. The smell makes me smile. When I walk by a roaster and that burnt coffee smell lingers in the air, it just makes my day brighter. I have multiple favorite cafes within walking distance (where ever I live), and befriend the baristas. My current go to-everyone knows my name and drink. It's like my Cheers. I will be monumentally sad if I ever have to give it up!

Plaid's open

I was walking home from a Ground Kontrol night, around 2 am, when this cute skater guy passed me on Burnside bridge. I smiled at him and he turned around to talk to me. After a few minutes he asks me if I would have a drink with him. I laughed and recall being totally stumped and thinking 'ummmmm'. But I said, "well I think everything is closed..?" Without missing a beat he replied "Plaid's open!"
For those un-indoctrinated, Plaid Pantry is like a 7-11, and well known for people hanging around outside smoking weed or drinking in the bushes. So immediately all sorts of things are flashing thru my mid. Sketchy. Gross. No way am I drinking beer in the bushes with this guy. No way am I drinking beer by the river with this guy. So I said, "no, I need to get home, I'm pretty tired." Smile smile smile. He tried to convince me but I decided it was more likely he wanted to mug me and dump my body in the river.
Three blocks later I was kicking myself.

golden shower

I spent the 4th with some friends- they all have kids aging baby-7 years old. Normalish bbq, chatting, playing, kiddie pool. We start fireworks when it's dark, and they all have these silly names on the box- jade flower-star flower, golden shower. When "golden shower" is lit, it really isn't anything fantastic, more of 'wah-wah'. So the next one gets lit and turns out to be a golden shower spark extravaganza! So I say "NOW THAT is a GOLDEN SHOWER!!!!" The adults all laugh. The next firework goes ablaze and the four year old boy says "now that's a golden shower!" I couldn't stop laughing. His mom was trying to reprimand him, but it was hilarious.

Life Bleeds Out

Talking about ups and downs with a friend. She was saying that after every down there comes an up. I know everyone believes something that is their own. Maybe derived from their parents, religion, or just life. When I was more naive I actually believed in karma. That there is balance in life, that good comes to those people who deserve it.
Now, I'm not as naive, but I'd like to believe a version of that. I'd like to believe that because a person has had a rough life and learned important lessons (that an otherwise easy life couldn't have afforded), that this person would have a big ole' bunch of good headed their way. It sounds nice anyway. Unfortunately for me, I know life is hard, and things don't always work out how we plan. Still, grudgingly, I admit I am more optimistic and I do live in a positive way, the best I can, but because that's who I want to put out into the world.
However, up, down, sideways, mambo, or what have you, I eventually end up laughing at my seriousness. I posted something silly on twitter "alright world, I'm taking a nap, call when something good is happening." What happened? An hour later my doorbell rang and woke me up. No one was at my door.

ooooooooh! Yeah, well nothing happened.

ex ex excellent

I was in a very long long long relationship, and after the icky break up period, there have been lots of crazy emails and things going on. One of which is our banking situation. We each had our own checking accounts, but decided to make the other a signer on our account as well. Naturally, once the dust settled, I went straight to the bank and said take him off my account. Come to find out my bank won't do that- I had to close my joint account and open a new single account. No biggie. But I've come to find out that he hasn't done this. Well over two years. Years people! I was in mild shock when the teller asked me if I wanted MY deposit to go into our joint checking. WTF!?!?! Now, the moral dilemma, (my friends come down on both sides) is do I close "his" account and teach him a lesson? Sigh. If only I lived life that way. But, it has been weeks since I found out.....

construction junction

My bedroom is auspiciously located in the corner of my apartment, and my bed is up against two wall, both of which have windows (I don't really have too many options for furniture arrangements). May brought the construction of two new buildings behind my apartment, and also, poor sleep. I don't know when these guys start, but they should really take into consideration that there are some people who may not keep their hours! I mean really?!??! It sounds like they are in my room building things. It even affected what little sleep I had last night- I had odd pipe bursting dreams from all the banging. I feel crazy out of my head from this weird off-on sleep! Come on man.

yum!

Hello Cupcake wine! yumm-a! Forget chocolate -this stuff is the shizz. And not too shabs on the pricing. I think under ten bucks a bottle. I highly recommend if you like it sweet. You know what I mean.

HAD A GREAT TIME

I have these great moments of clarity. Where the world around me doesn't matter and I am at ease with myself and can see clearly who I am. I feel this and then wonder how real anything else is or can be. Feel so vibrant and alive that I know people watch me and can't look away. Sometimes I am more than I am. Everything is right and real and anything is possible. I feel so alive in every movement-writing, walking breathing. Feel like I can see magic in the air, that everything is amazing. I just see and feel too much, and much too easily.

f titles

Is everything really so pleasant now, lives so perfect, minds so finished? The stagnant people unite to leash the rest of the world. All ten of us. I seem to be the only one thinking these days. Strange that it is abnormal, my thinking and extrapolating as much as I do. I've had the same conversation with the same person everyday, only he/she has a different face.
This person, these people, know nothing except basic statistics of life. Who cares? Then something happened to me. I actually told someone the truth. He understood. I think I want to marry him, just for that one moment. Maybe things will swing better, maybe worse, but I will always have that moment.

moi

How strange am I? Sitting on the subway today I began imagining all the people before me were sick with a cancer. Pictured them balding from chemotherapy, faces sick and sunken from radiation. The truth.
Silly me, dating someone I don't even like. Maybe that's not it-I just don't take an interest in him. I want to tell him about me, warn him, but why bother if he can't see? I must make him nervous. I could be human and tell him, given the chance I'd break his heart, that he should not become attached to me. Do I have an ego or what? He's just a pleasant way to spend time. Evil?